Kinda lost
by Rosie eisoR
Summary: Real world meets Tortall fic. It is nothing if not cliched.
1. Default Chapter

Rose scuffed her foot along the dirt track. "When you said 'Get lost', I had no idea how much you meant it," she grumbled.

Amethyst grinned widely. "I haff un map."

Rose's face was wary. "Seriously?" Amethyst nodded, eagerly. "Show it to me." Reluctantly, Am handed over the scrappy piece of paper. She scanned it, before scowling. "Amethyst, this is a map of Europe! And it's not even in English!"

Her face fell. "Oh. I still have a map!"

Jendi rolled her eyes. "Calm down! Too loud!"

"But stupid people need to talk loudly," Rose reminded her.

Amethyst growled. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that," she said loudly.

Rosie shrugged, offering a wide smile. "See what I mean?" The question was directed at no one in particular, but Am smacked her forehead. "Have another headache?" Rosie asked, mock-sympathetically.

Am glowered.

"Stop your bickering! Where the hell are we?" Jendi looked for something in the distance. She wasn't sure quite what, but it stopped Am and Rosie fighting.

"I think I see something!" Amethyst squealed.

"I blame Jendi, personally. She told me to get lost, and look where it got us! A place with no roads, with a map in German and a psycho girl! Honestly!" Rosie huffed.

"That's just like you, twisting everything."

"I'm hardly twisting it-" Rose's indignant stream was broken off when Amethyst hit Jendi's arm.  
"OW!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Look, people!" She pointed at a group of riders headed right in their direction. Her hyperness seemed temporarily banished, to her friends' delight.

"Fancy dress parade," Rose said with disgust. The four riders wore cloaks and carried what looked like swords.

Am lifted an eyebrow. "Armed men. Nice." The men (and woman) were drawing closer.  
"We could ask them where the hell we are!"

Rose stepped behind Jendi's back, muttering in an undertone to Am, "Or where the hell their beds are."

Am grinned. "Shame we didn't bring Joe," she said, naming her overactive younger brother. "He'd sort them out."

The riders (knights?) had a funny look on their faces as they dismounted.

Rose pressed her lips together, muttered, "Here goes nothing," and pushed Am forwards.

"Um, hi, we're kinda lost. Could you tell us where we are?"

A girl stepped forwards. "I can. You are on the borders of Irontown."

Rose smiled falsely. "Yeah, great. Now, tell me the real name."

The others had caught up with the first. In front of the slightly daunted Rose, Am and Jendi, they formed an impressive line.

"Name, fief and home country," a green-eyed man demanded.

"Rose, London, Britain." Deciding to play along with these idiots, she gestured to Amethyst and Jendi. "Amethyst, also London, also Britain, and Jendi, of the same. And yours?"

"Keladry of Mindelan, Tortall. This is Cleon of Kennan, Neal of Queenscove and Prince Roald of Conte."

Rose curtsied jokingly. It looked so stupid with her cropped trousers that Am and Jendi decided against copying her.

The one introduced as Prince Roald raised an eyebrow. He bowed shortly. "Might I enquire where exactly Britain is? It is not a country I am aware of."

Rose raised herself to her full height of 5 foot 9 (and a half!), rivalling Kel's own. She took her roots very seriously. "Britain is a small, European country," she recited, sounding very much like an old Geography textbook. Jendi let her drone on, and on, and a couple more ons as usual.

Her blue eyes suddenly widened. "Did you say 'Tortall'?" Her voice was croaky.

"Yes."

Rose immediately realised what was happening. "We're in Jendi's dream. Wow, Jendi, you need a life."

Jendi scowled. "It's more like a nightmare, since you're in it."

Amethyst smiled. "I have day - to - day nightmares, then."

Rose's eyes widened. "You're so mean! Just cos I'm the youngest!"

"By _twelve_ days!!!!!!!!"

"Twelve_ whole_ days!" Rose pointed out. Am threw her hands into the air.

"Big deal!"

"It is!"

Jendi sighed, and saw the sympathetic looks she was being given by the Tortallans. She smiled at Cleon, who put his arm around Kel. Kel shook the redhead's arm off.

"I think we should stop this," Rose said, practically. Jendi nodded. "Let's get back to that oh-so interesting conversation about it being Jendi's fault." Jendi shook her head.

Neal, having taken enough of these girls, put a kind arm around Rose and Amethyst (a difficult action since one barely reached five foot, and the other was nine inches taller) "Now why don't we take you back to Corus with us. You're obviously lost."

"Yeah, they lost the plot ages ago," Jendi muttered. Rose shot her a glare.

Neal smiled, and then said, "Since you've lost your horses, you can share ours."

Cleon grinned. "I'll take Kel," he offered.

Rose was laughing silently at Jendi's distraught look.

"You two can share Peachblossom," Kel said kindly to Rose and Jendi. Rose, having never ridden a horse before, replaced laughter with numbed shock.

"I can do this," Jendi muttered. She repeated this a few times, obviously trying to psych herself up.

"I might be really good at horse riding." Rose flashed a grin at her friend. "I wouldn't know; I've never tried."

Rose mounted Peachblossom after watching how Kel got on Cleon's horse. Pleased with herself, she turned to watch Amethyst's progress. Am, who got to share Neal's horse, jumped on with ease. Thrilled with her triumph, she raised her arms in the air. And promptly fell off.

Jendi sniggered at the mud-covered Am, and looked at Rose. "Move over," she ordered.

Reluctantly, Rose sat further back on the horse. Jendi also got on the destrier with ease.

"Oh, Mithros!" Kel stopped talking to Cleon, and spoke to Rose and Jendi. "I forgot, Peachblossom doesn't like other riders."

Rose looked worried. "Well, I'll just get off him," she began to say. Halfway through her sentence, Peachblossom obviously decided he was sick of sitting around. He galloped off.

Jendi screamed, a high-pitched squeal that made Rose reach for her ears. To do that, she had to let go of the reins, which flopped to either side of Peachblossom's mane. Jendi, with nothing to hold onto, fell straight off. Rose quickly grabbed the reins. It was then that Peachblossom decided that he really didn't like other riders. He reared. Rose promptly flew through the air and landed in a pile of mud.

"And I wondered why I didn't like animals," she muttered darkly. "These trousers are NEW!"

The others soon caught up with the fallen two. "Looks like he really doesn't like other riders," Am grinned.

"Are you alright?" Kel looked concerned.

Rose nodded; Jendi made a huffing sound.

"I should have remembered. I'm sorry. Here, Neal, you can take Rose. Roald, take Am. I'll take Jendi," Cleon offered.

Jendi smiled, suddenly happy. She mounted Cleon's horse with no mishaps.

--

I have no idea why I'm putting this up. I wrote it with Jendi in the summer. My arm hurts, so I'll keep this short. Are you s'posed to have a panic attack after the injection? It'll be finished soon, cos I'm goin' round Am's to finish it. It's funny. I'm babbling. REVIEW!!! (cos otherwise they hurt, and I've just had a sore injection. God, I've turned into Am. Begging.)


	2. In the palace

Rose looked around the palace in awe. "Wow."

"Bit monosyllablic, aren't you, Rose?" Amethyst teased.

"So this is what Tortall looks like," Rose continued, purposely ignoring her best friend.

On the journey to Corus, Rose had asked lots of questions. Jendi had been in silent worship of her idol. Amethyst had been hungry.

"Do you think they have chocolate here?"

Rose shook her head, and spoke as if to a very young child, "No, they don't. They don't have television either."

Am's eyes rounded in horror. "So, we're - not planning on staying here that long, then? Right? _Right_?"

Their guide, Neal, who had been temporarily distracted by some page he knew. Owen, or something like that. Now the curly haired boy also joined their tour. He kept smiling at Amethyst, in a way that made the fourteen year old nervous.

"So, how long have you lived in the palace?" Rose asked Neal. He answered her question, and then added a few more of his own about her home country. She made most things up, and avoided things like electricity, not wanting to scare him. The two walked ahead of the others, leaving them to find their own way around.

"Some guide," Jendi sighed. She was now left with a crazy girl and her (if possible) crazier fan. Owen eagerly stepped into the role of guide, and led a less than enthusiastic Am to see Balor's Needle, which was about to be demolished.

Jendi sighed. It looked like she was on her own. Now that wouldn't be the first time, either.

"Hello? Jendi, isn't it?"

Jendi turned, to find Kel and Cleon standing behind her. "Hello," she said, frostily.

Kel gave Cleon a small smile. "See you later." She walked off, waving a hand behind her.

"Hello. You look a bit lost," Cleon smiled.

Jendi blinked. "Um, yeah, I s'pose I am," she admitted. "They seemed to have deserted me."

He grinned. "Well, I've been deserted as well. C'mon, I'll show you around." He looked slightly surprised when she practically leapt into the air with joy.

--

Rose fingered the paintings with an exasperated look. Then she turned and kissed Neal full on his lips. He stepped back in surprise, and then leaned forward to kiss her back. He grinned and broke away. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I like to be unpredictable. Besides, you led me away. It's not my fault I got the wrong idea."

He knew she was joking; the dancing green eyes told him that much. She fiddled with her dark blonde hair, cut to her shoulders, as she spoke. A mischievous glint entered her eyes. "Where could I find Lord Wyldon?"

"Lord… Wyldon…" he spluttered in disbelief. Rose watched him coolly until he recovered. "Why?"

"I have a little… score to settle with my friend." He grinned and slung an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, in that case, I think I can find him for you." He kissed her again, and then took her in search of the training master.

--

Amethyst groaned. What lovely friends she had (!) Rosie had disappeared with Neal, and Jendi had… well, she wasn't keeping Amethyst company, that much was certain. She smiled stiffly at Owen, who beamed back, to her horror. Oh great. Just great.

"And here's the library…" Ooh, that could be useful. Maybe this stocky boy could help her. She doubted it, but maybe.

"Um, Owen-" was that even his name? Oh well; too late now - "Is there anywhere we could get something to eat? Only-" here she put a pitiful face on - "I haven't eaten in days."

His expression grew immediately concerned. Ha! Take that, Rosie. I don't even go to drama classes. She had to fight a grin.

"Well, I'm sorry, but our meal isn't until later. I'll get you for it if you like. You can sit next to me!"

I need to sign up at those drama classes. D'oh. Rosie, running up with Neal behind her, distracted her attention.

"Am, you know that bloke from Tortall you had a crush on?" Her mind flicked instantly to Liam.

"Seriously?" Rosie covered her ears - when Am shrieked, it was loud.

"Yes. Come with us, we'll take you to him." She smiled innocently. Luckily, Am didn't notice - otherwise Rosie would have been in serious trouble.

--

Jendi groaned, frustrated. When Cleon had said he would show her round, he had meant exactly that.

"And these are the rooms for the teachers…" Jendi signalled for him to shut up with her hand, having just seen Rose, Am and Neal knock on one of the doors. Cleon was obscured from their view, as they were from his.

Offhandedly, she asked, "Whose room is third down from the left?"

"Lord Wyldon," was the reply. "Why?"

Impulsively, she kissed his cheek, and, before he could say anything, led him to see what the others were doing.

--

"This is Liam's room, right?" Am asked for what had to be the five-hundredth time. No wonder; Rose had never given her a straight answer.

The door opened, to reveal a tall, bald man. Am's eyes widened in shock. She began to stutter incoherently.

"Sorry to bother you, Lord Wyldon." Rose gave a bow, obviously deciding that it was better than the pitiful curtsy she had attempted before. "My friend, Lady Amethyst, just wanted a glimpse of her idol." Actually, if you didn't understand that Am was spluttering because she was angry, it could look like she was just embarrassed. "Thank you for your time."

As the door was closed behind Lord Wyldon, Am looked darkly at Rose.

"Not funny, Rosie."

"It was."

"Well, how are you and your idol getting along, Jendi?" Teasing Jendi was a lot easier than teasing Rosie. Rosie was just evil back. She'd get her later.

Jendi blushed. "A lot better than you and yours."

Am glowered. _So_ not what she had hoped for. "What about you, Rosie?"

Rosie grinned. "Why? Want tips for a hot evening with Wyldon?"

"You're just e-stuck on the key-vil."

"Yeah, I am, aren't I?"

Owen looked in slight amazement at his idol. "What?"

"Long story. Too confusing for stupid people."

"Don't you mean smart people? Stupid people made it up, surely their kind would understand it."

Am lunged at Jendi, Rosie fiddled with her hair.

"Don't argue with idiots. They only bring you down to their level."

Am grinned, muttering, "Ginger minger," under her breath, menacingly. Jendi scowled.

A loud bell rang.

"Dinner?"


End file.
